|"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
||[Nov. 20th, 2010|11:24 pm]
It's been quite a while since I've last posted, and I think it's fair to state I've been neglecting this journal quite a bit. I suppose there are many things that have happened to me since my last post, but there's something recent I need to talk about first.
It really isn't an event. I'm just looking for some help, or an opinion at the least.
You see, I think it's safe to say that we've ALL made mistakes in our life. Right? We've all done things that we knew we shouldn't do. But for me, it's the story of my life. Literally. I have someone in my life right now that I love very much. He is everything to me. And somehow, I still seem to be screwing everything up, no matter what I try to do.
I'm the kind of person who lies to avoid hurting someone. Which, isn't really a very good habit to keep, seeing how lying is exactly what hurts people. But I mean, you can see where I'm coming from right...? If someone hurts my feelings, and they see that I'm upset they'll ask "Are you okay?" and the lie is: "Nooo no no, I'm okay. Don't worry." You see? That.
But I'm afraid that's not the only lying I do. Sometimes I tell very big lies too. But anyways, the problem is the love of my life is getting really hurt by these lies. And it's come to the point where he can't trust me with anything I say, but I'm not trying to be untrustworthy. I'm just trying to not hurt him. ): And sometimes, I say lies without even thinking. They just come out! And it's not like I can just take it back, because it's already been said. So at that point I'm just screwed.
Yes, yes, I probably sound like a terrible person. You're probably thinking "Well why don't you just stop lying" or something along those lines. And quite obviously, I've thought about that before. So SH. But the other problem, is HE'S lied about very significant things as well. It's not just me. I've lied MORE times, but he still has. I just don't think that's exactly fair.
I really am not sure what I should do, or what I'm EXPECTED to do. Feel free to comment or message me, but keep in mind this DEFINITELY is by no means the entire story. The entire story is so long, you have no idea...
I do okayyy with judgmental comments, but I'm not promising I won't get mad if you say something completely hateful.